Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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