So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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