Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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