I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
