He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
