My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
