I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
