I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
