if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
