She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
