he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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