Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
