sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
