the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize