Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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