The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
