I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
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I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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