I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i think i have two assholes
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
