Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
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He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
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I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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