Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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