wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
