I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
