so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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