My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I will pee on everything he values.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
