the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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