Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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