Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
