My hair reeks of homosexuality.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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