That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize