come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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