Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
