so explain again why im purple
no
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
