3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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