Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
