two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
