I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
