trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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