I just threw up on my dentist
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
