Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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