The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
