this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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