She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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