well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
