I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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