Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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