I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
