I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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