My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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