I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
