I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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