Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
