I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
