I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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