you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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