That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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