so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
