You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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