I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He did a backflip because drugs
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