What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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