He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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