i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
