she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
