So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
