there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
third nipple confirmed
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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