If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
