dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
