I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
