I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
