The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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