he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
