ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
